We love fortune cookies in our family.
I know they were invented in America, blah, blah.
I don’t care. They’re so much fun!
We read them together and then collect them in a little shot glass to enjoy again later.
Anytime we need a little pick me up, positive word, a bit of fun when friends come over – just grab the shot glass and Pick A Fortune!
But the last year or so, they haven’t been so much… fortune.
In fact, much of the time, it hasn’t been fortunes inside the cookies. It’s been NOT-a-fortunes.
Don’t believe me? Check it out.
On the right side, you can see fortunes that actually qualify as “fortunes.” Or at least mostly.
- “An opportunity will knock on your door.”
– General, but OK!
- “You shouldn’t overspend at the moment.”
– General advice, but could be a useful warning!
- “This coming Friday will be an exciting time for you.”
– Duh, who doesn’t love Friday? But still – I’m really looking forward to the “exciting time.” I think.
Those qualify as fortunes!
These DO NOT!
- “If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it naked or homeless?”
– Wha? Why? NOT A FORTUNE!
- “Love is a present that can be given every single day you live.”
– I personally believe in Life After Death. NOT A FORTUNE!
and my favorite…
- “Eat your vegetable and you’ll grow up big and strong like Popeye.”
– Seriously, wtf. THIS IS NOT A FORTUNE!!!
FORTUNE COOKIE FAIL!
Someone needs to quit at the fortune cookie factory and hire me instead.
I would write totally awesome fortunes.
- “Yarn will come your way this month!”
– Oh yeah! You can count on it!
- “Someone at work doesn’t like you.”
– There’s always a Nellie Oleson.
- “Unexpected chocolate will come your way before the next Blue Moon.”
– There’s always chocolate in my future. Just saying.
- “One day, The Doctor will come. And you’ll be ready.”
– Yes. I. Will.
My fortunes are inarguably better!