Tag Archives: cancer

The Room…


The room is full, a straggling chair or two in the corner.
Men vs. women, about 50/50.

There are no more blocked-out spaces, but every face is masked nonetheless.

“Have you traveled anywhere outside of the country in the last 4 months?”
“I’m a teacher. I can’t afford to go anywhere.”
There’s a hesitant chuckle. “Hopefully that… will improve, ma’am.”
“Even if things improve, I’ll still be a teacher.”

The room’s chatter is low, respectful.
Broken only by an occasional voice from the front.

The voice calls out, “I have three more names on the booaaard….”

The room pauses as everyone turns to look.
Three people stand up. The low murmur returns.

A farmer from Tennessee meets a farmer from Corpus Christi.
They may not shake hands, but their friendly voices do.
A third aged voice chimes in, “My late husband used to farm in East Texas.”

Mixed southern accents discuss the impact of hurricanes in the east on the crops.

“How’s your cotton doing?”
“It’s alright. We’ll go to harvest in September.”
“We’re a little earlier than that. How’s your corn though?”
“We didn’t get enough rain in spite of that hurricane.”
“Your fields on irrigation?”

Everyone listens, quietly appreciative of the social ease found in this place.

A woman gets up to go check on something,
phone in hand, leaving her purse on the floor, open.
There’s a solidarity in the room. Not only will no one
bother her purse, no one would dare to.

It’s a fraternity that no one chooses to join–but it is one nonetheless.

The woman returns to her open bag. A man wearing a backpack,
a leg brace, and carrying a telescoping cane limps by her side.
A glance at their wrists tells you–she’s the patient, not him.

The room is a sea of silver hair, spotted with dye jobs. In 45 minutes
of polite waiting, only 3 patients appear to be under the age of 60.
Two are quiet, unabashedly former or current military. Only one,
quiet, lanky 20-something in the room. He is my son.

I see the faces look toward my son. Their eyes soften as they
see him next to me. I’m used to it. My son stares at his phone.

A look around the room tells you, most of these people came here
alone. A few with spouses. What a good son they know mine must be.

“I wish my son were here.” The barely audible whisper echoes
across hidden faces and watery eyes. What a good son.
He is, but they don’t know why.

The board on the wall changes. “I have new names on the booaaard…”

And there he is.

My son stands up, in his tank top and camping shorts. He
ambles to the front of the cancer lab. Startled looks spread
across the space, a wave bouncing from one wall to the next.

“Hi, Mr. Chambers. Have you had a fever this week?
Let’s get your bracelet printed.”
—-

July 12, 2021
1:11pm

Copyright © 2021, Julia Meek Chambers, all rights reserved. No part of my post, writing, or words may be copied and shared without my express written permission and attribution.

If you found this page because your family is fighting glioblastoma and you need support, please visit https://frellcancer.wordpress.com for some helpful resources.

Place used pens here.

PS I am still looking for full-time work to cover cancer care at MDA. If you know anyone who needs a writer, I would be grateful for an introduction.

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Filed under Conversations From the Passenger Seat, Friends and Family, It's An Aberrant Life, Kidney Cancer

The Things You Dream When Your Husband Is Fighting Glioblastoma


Go Grey In May - Glioblastoma Brain Cancer Awareness Graphic by Aberrant CrochetA few nights ago I had this dream that I was approached by vampires.

We can cure your husband, they said.

We’re really the only cure for cancer there is.

All your husband’s knowledge, all his skills, all the things that he knows that nobody else knows…

These things can live on.

They can be preserved.

We can save your husband.

And in my dream, my husband thinks hey – that’s a great idea!

What a great solution, he says. It’ll save my life, he says.

And I have an absolute fit.

I say – giving up now

to DIE

and become a VAMPIRE

is QUITTING!

And he says, no it will save me.

And it’s not like you and the kids have to do it, it would just be for me.

I will be saved and we can still be a family. You don’t have to become a vampire too.

And I say – if you don’t have the willpower to keep fighting

and keep LIVING NOW,

and you’re going to give up

and become a VAMPIRE

and be DEAD –NOW-,

what makes you think you’re going to have any willpower not to turn me or the kids in vampires too?

What makes you think you’re going to be able to control your new vampire personality traits?

You have a hard enough time getting through cancer treatment and controlling your cancer personality traits as it is.

I WAS SUPER UPSET!

And I woke up at some point because John had to get up in the night. Quite exhausted from all of my dream arguing.

And when I went back to sleep I continued to dream about insurance paperwork.

Then the next night, I dreamed that there was a trial where wives and husbands we’re donating their blood to help with some kind of research to benefit their husbands and wives who had glioblastoma. By comparing the blood from life partners they hoped to come up with something that would help cancer patients. Because in theory, they spend the most time together and live biologically similar lives. So study the partners and look for a connection.

So of course there were tons of us who were like – SURE!

Take some of my blood already!

I’ll do whatever you need to help save my husband, wife, lover.

And so I said yes.

I filled out paperwork and was brought into a little room where they’re going to take my blood and start running tests.

They bring me in, close the door, and they forget that I’m there.

And after a while of waiting I realized that everyone has left the building, and I am locked in this room and no one has noticed.

It all seems like some kind of cruel joke.

Another time I dreamed that without John, I couldn’t protect my children from being kidnapped. Crazy right?

Then there was the dream about John being in his last days.

And friends said they would come over for a visit, share a meal with me and see how he and I were doing.

Several people wanted to come around lunchtime or dinner time, so I made plans  and  got the house ready, prepared food for everybody and got ready for company.

But it turned out that everyone was too busy, and had their own things to worry about.

So no one came or let me know that they couldn’t come after all.

And I waited and waited after making all that food. Then John said I was silly, and wasted my time.

And I said, but I’m trying so hard to do this right.

The reality of GBM messes with your head enough while you’re awake.

And I’m only the wife of the survivor.

It’s a nightmare of a cancer, boggling the mind as to how it can even exist.

There’s too much to do.

I don’t need it eating up my sleep too.

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

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Filed under Glioblastoma

Crochet for Chemo Patients…


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I have created many hats for chemo patients. Even sold some of my work to a local wig store who caters to chemo patients. There are far too many victims and survivors of cancer in my family. And I’ve received a lot of valuable input over the years from local patients that has influenced my hat designs and work.

With so many people asking questions these days, I decided to compile some of my various posts on the subject in one place for everyone’s reference. Not every item I design or make is with chemo patients in mind, but the vast majority of my life’s crochet work is. I hope you will find it helpful.

Where to start?

Materials: Chemotherapy tends to break down the skin, on the scalp especially. So patients’ skin is generally extremely tender, not just because they used to have hair and now suddenly don’t, but because the skin is not as strong. Using soft materials is very important for someone undergoing chemo.

Baby alpaca, pashmina and even cashmere and such are quite soft, but can still eventually become annoying or even painful. But I find this is largely tied to quality. I have purchased “baby alpaca” from totally different farms and found them to be drastically different in quality. Still, we’re talking expense and up-keep. Many patients are going through enough just trying to keep up with their appointments.

Some patients find themselves developing an allergy or sensitivity to animal fibers and many folks like to think in terms of non-animal sources. Soft cotton has been used a lot, but I have found that cotton is not always comfortable to all patients. I have heard complaints of cotton feeling rough to some tender heads. However, this may be due to the type of stitches used or honestly the way the fiber has been plied. If you want to use some measure of natural fibers, bamboo is a nice non-animal option.

Silk is an option that is usually hypoallergenic and is both durable and soft. But I must share that it is not impossible to be allergic to silk. I had a repeat customer who couldn’t touch it, but would buy my silk meditation shawls for his wife (what love!). I find silk fiber to be easy to do up too tightly when working with it. Silk is less comfortable without “flow.” It is also a unique fiber in it’s ability to both breathe and yet provide warmth, even in hair fine fibers.

Man-made micro-fibers certainly add a variety of options, some actually derived from plant bases, such as rayon. There are many micro-fiber possibilities including acrylics, nylons, and viscoses, which most of my chemo customers seem to prefer. Today’s micro-fiber technology has come very far in creating incredibly soft fibers and at a fraction of the cost of pashmina and the like. The up-keep is also easier.

All fibers to note. However, if scabs or cracked skin are present on the scalp, even micro-fibers may actually snag/tear at the skin, which is understandably uncomfortable. If you know your beneficiary, you’ll want to evaluate their situation and needs. When thinking about your beneficiary’s needs, keep in mind that acrylic fibers are generally preferred by most US hospitals for preemies in part because they can be sterilized. If you feel washing and sterilization might be a factor for your cancer patient, this should be considered when weighing what fibers to use.

Every person is different and their tolerance of chemo treatment varies. I find the skin sensitivity issues seem similar to what happens during labor. Everything that used to be comfortable to you suddenly may not be and may even be downright awful! Skin sensory input seems to peak during chemo and the skin breaks down, so it’s extra frustrating to some patients.

Tip: Use the inside of your wrist for a little help in the soft department when you are trying to judge your fibers. You want to rub it for a few seconds. Do this with a swatch as well. Inside of the wrist is a more tender area and better helps establish the feel you are looking for. I’ve been doing this for some time and after awhile you begin to intuitively recognize certain feels and stitch patterns that work better than others. Yes, even stitches change the texture and how a scalp senses the garment it’s wearing.

Stitches: Loose stitches are generally better than tight stitches. No matter how soft the fiber is, you can make it less comfortable to the skin with tight stitches. I also prefer to make items that breathe. Part of that is because down here in Central Texas, we don’t get much winter. Garments that breathe are both cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter – providing a “thermal” effect.

Style: Many female chemo patients have told me they really want to wear something not just to keep their heads warm, but so they don’t have to look in the mirror and see only a bald head, but see a pretty lady. Several ladies have been drawn to my hats because they “don’t look like chemo hats.” I think this emotional response is something important to note. Having cancer is hard enough, much less adding the emotional impact of your change in appearance. I even heard one lady reference the typical “turban” style as “death” caps – that she didn’t want to wear it because people associated it with emotional pain and dying. I’m not saying that every cancer patient feels this way. I am however pointing out things I have taken notice of when I go about the crochet designs I do.

Also, the patients I have talked to often want to have a handful of things they can wear to cover their head, not just one item. Personality plays a role, but some patients appreciate being able to treat their situation more lightly and with more adventure than others. One wonderful light described to me her new adventure into a world of style she’d never previously known.

Kids: I have to admit they are my soft spot. I read once about one little girl’s anxiety about being so sick, but also suddenly losing her hair and becoming bald. And it nearly broke my heart. It was then that I resolved myself to make and donate hats for children going through chemo. I like to make fun things for kids, because kids like to have fun and “be cool.” And they need compliments and smiles too. We adults have our insecurities about our appearances, but fact is – we’re adults. Kids are resilient, but depending on their age especially, are barely mature enough to deal with all the emotions themselves. Being sick and losing your hair can be scary. Something fun can make all the difference in their experience of their battle.

I hope some of this helps. If you are considering making something special for a cancer patient, what you are doing for them is very loving and wonderful. I would also highly recommend the charity “Spirit Jump” to you as well. It is a wonderful charity, whether for your crochet efforts, or to benefit someone you know who may need their spirits lifted. If you need more help, let me know.

Dorothy - Sweet and soft Cloche

Dorothy – Sweet and soft Cloche

I began crocheting hats for chemo patients in part due to my grandmother Dorothy who helped teach me to crochet when I was little. Everytime she has gone through chemo, she always had hugs and smiles for everyone, never complaining for herself and crocheted herself a cute new hat. Everyone has always loved her and she has many adopted grandkids. And every time she has a new hat, so do several people in her church as they love her hats too. You’d hardly know what she’s been through. She is and always has been “The Crafting Queen.” Believe it or not, she’s still alive at nearly 90 years and fighting lymphoma for some 15. The hat you see pictured here is named after her.

There are too many cancer victims and survivors in my family, now including my mother. As such, I now often crochet with these in mind; choosing the softest, highest quality materials I can find for the tenderest skin going through chemo. I’ve also been blessed to receive a lot of highly appreciated input from survivors over the years that has led to the development and creation of these unique designs.

May these creations bless everyone they touch.

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Filed under Artist Information & Notes, Charity Crochet, Crochet Techniques

Some of my latest works for charity….


Named “Suzy Q,” this first image is of the cloche I designed especially for Alamo City Etsy Team’s silent action coming up to support breast cancer research. The hat is made from a sublime blend of the softest rayon, bamboo and acrylic fibers. Five different types of yarn are used in the making of this hat. After frogging it quite a few times, I’m pretty happy with the result. It’s perfect! I just finished it’s certificate of authenticity tag and will be shipping this tomorrow morning!

Suzy Q

Suzy Q

Pink Curly Q

Pink Curly Q

The following images are a couple cute puppet critters I made for Spirit Jumps. Making puppets like this came about thanks to school homework projects my kids have had over the years. Where they have been assigned a writing project involving writing a play, making props and of course, making their puppets – then later performing it for the younger grades. Pretty cool and creative, but when it gets assigned more than once, you start figuring out new ways to do it. And being a yarnie, well – of course I’m going to use my yarn! Anyway…. My kids and I have had a lot of fun perfecting this project.
A collaborative work.

You can find puppet kits in my store at: www.PixieWorx.Etsy.com.

Purple/Blue Puppet Critter

Purple/Blue Puppet Critter

Pink Puppet Critter

Pink Puppet Critter

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Filed under Artist Information & Notes, Charity Crochet

A Sweet Soft Cloche….


Named “Dorothy” after my paternal grandmother who helped teach me to crochet and sew, this Aberrant HeadGear(TM) cloche by Pixie Worx!(TM) is created in black, white and shades of gray, finished off with a black embroidered bow done “flower style” and topped with a “cherry red” center.

Dorothy - Sweet and Soft Cloche

Dorothy – Sweet and Soft Cloche

Our story:

My Grandma Dorothy is a lymphoma cancer survivor at 89 years old and just recently finished her latest round of chemo. Both my grandmothers who taught me to crochet (since Mom was left-handed and I wasn’t) have been incredible resources and examples to me my entire life. It is absolutely because of them that I crochet, even being able to push the bar to do things never thought of before. Grandma Dorothy has always been an inspiration to me, as with every round of chemo she keeps a smile on her face, a ready hug for every person she knows and crochets yet another little hat to go on with her day. You’d hardly know what all she’s been through. Unfortunately my Grandma Leona lost her battle with cancer two years ago this month, and she is sorely missed.

There are too many cancer victims and survivors in my family, now including my mother. As such, I now often crochet with these in mind; choosing the softest, highest quality materials I can find for the tenderest skin going through chemo. I’ve also received a lot of highly appreciated input from survivors over the years that has led to the development and creation of these unique designs. May these creations bless everyone they touch.

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I Joined Spirit Jump and You Should Too!


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For those who don’t know me personally – one of my charity efforts is to give special crochet hats and items to people going through chemo or other major medical situations, especially to children.

Crochet is very meditative for me and as I create something, I focus the intent of joy and healing into what I make. I also focus intent toward the item being a beautiful experience to wear. It may sound wistful or romantic, but whether I give it away, or I sell my creation, I truly desire my work to be ongoing blessings to others.

Spirit Jump is a simple concept in sending encouragement to others. It’s as simple as a card to say hey – I’m pulling for you as you battle this; to say I send you Caring and Prayers. It doesn’t even require money to participate, only your time.

It’s perfect for my charity efforts, as I get to focus on the creation and am given permission to send someone prayers and encouragement through crochet, my favorite medium. And I dare say that if you are reading my blog, that it’s a perfect outlet for your charity work as well. There are no commitments other than what you set. You are not adopting someone, you are make a one time “reach out” to someone. And no money is really required.

Making a difference in this world one Light at a time.
Will you check it out?

This is the Flier for Spirit Jump!

This is the Flier for Spirit Jump!

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Filed under Artist Information & Notes, Charity Crochet