Tag Archives: Grief

April 8, 2021 · 12:52 am

Remember When…

I have a love-hate relationship with each digital app that shows me memories.

I mean, it’s not bad. It really isn’t.

In some ways, it helps me to reconnect pieces of my life, so there’s more in my line of sight than just this crisis or that.

But there’s no denying that being faced with a sudden memory can have an emotional impact at an inconvenient time.

John’s smiling face in a hospital room.

My kids when they were little.

Conversations with friends who have passed away.

Memories from a time that was less “responsible.”

Memories around old goals. Dreams unspoken.

Memories from before deployments.

From before Cancer.

From before Death.

From before.

Before…

These inconvenient memories pop up while I must be serious
and keep my game face on.

Making up for my shitty memory.

Oh yeah. That’s right. I was going to…

Waves crashing…

Is that even bad?

Probably not.

We’ve tried to create a world where public perception and professionalism always mean never showing what’s really happening under the surface.

Never let them see the mud–unless artfully displayed.

Always have a show closet near the door.

A YouTube corner.

Selective reality.

But is that healthy?

Is it natural?

Is it destructive denial in the long term?

Life is full of challenges, some bigger than others.

And that’s how we grow as humans.

Life has always been in the overcoming.

In the transmutation.

It has always been about becoming bigger than our initial perspectives.

Digging through challenges and beliefs–layered deeper than we thought possible.

Reframing our viewpoints.

Dawning new understanding.

Digging into why we’re really here.

What meaningful thing can I learn in this experience that can serve others?

Surviving is surviving.

But to THRIVE, we must grow.

We must transmute.

But that requires acknowledging reality as it is.

In order to transmute it into something better.

Anyway…

Facebook showed me memories today, including a memory of profound words spoken by my son a year ago.

Somehow I needed to hear them again today.

And while I’m inconveniently emotional, I think I’m also grateful…

—
April 8, 2021
9:22pm

In Our Court…

There is much goodness in the world,
and I’ve been bathed in it this weekend.
Something I’ve needed.

Life may be brutal and cruel sometimes; it can be hard,
but we dictate the lens through which we choose to see.

We decide where we put our energies,
the relationships we build,
the people we elevate,
the problems we choose to solve,
the ears we choose to lend,
the people we choose to bless,
the actions we choose to take,
the thoughts we allow to become things,
the creations we culminate.

We choose to act or to not.
To nurture or to neglect.

Everything is in our court to do something with.

The positive that we seed into the world.
Or the not.

Even the things we cannot control – we have the freedom,
the choice, and the responsibility of how to handle them.

A free and creative life is not an easy one
but never was such promised.

We were given a variety of tools
and ways to create our reality.
And then given the free will
to go forth and create.

I don’t know what I’m doing
any more than the next person,
but I’m still learning and trying.

I have an ideal I hold in my heart,
and a Creator whom I believe teaches
and guides me.

I still believe that Light
overcomes the Darkness
and that There Is Only Love.

And I appreciate everyone around me
who helps reflect these gifts to me
and fills my cup.

Thank you, friends.