Category Archives: Conversations From the Passenger Seat

A Mother’s Surreal Moment #5847…


“Oh!  Mom! Mom!” my sophomore son says to me.

“I forgot to tell you! Today in PE, Coach was frustrated with the little kids, so we got to rip the squeakers out of their rubber chickens.”

I blink at him.  My kids attend a K-12 school and often help out with the lower grades.

But the phrase “rip the squeakers out” presents a picture of some rather strange carnage.  Maybe even some mayhem.

“PE? Rubber chickens? Why do the little kids have rubber chickens in PE class?”

“I don’t know, to wave around or something,” he says to me, clapping his hands and grinning mischievously from ear to ear.

“And look!  I got to keep some!”

He whips something from his pocket and holds up a fist full of white tubes.

“And guess what?!”

He declares more than asks.

“I figured out that they all make different notes. So I labeled them and…”

And while I’m still blinking at him, he holds the tubes together in his hand like some sort of modified pan flute and…

…begins to play Smoke On The Water.

With squeakers stripped from the necks of rubber chickens.

That, my friends, is metamorphosis.

And my musically talented son.

#ThisIsMySurrealLife

#AndILoveEveryMomentOfIt

Rubber chicken squeaker pan flute - graphic by Aberrant Crochet

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He’s Smarter Than He Knows…


It was one of those days, with all the details and “have to’s” coming down on my head.  Too much demanding my attention, too many things vying to converge on the same space-time continuum, too many worries and nothing I could ignore, put off or say no to.  And it all required a lot of concentration.  I stare at figures and paperwork and bills, trying to apply a sense of logic and peace to it all.

My son runs into the kitchen (my office).  His enthusiasm about a funny incident at school gushes over me. Then he notices I’m already sitting there in tears.

“Mommy, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry honey, things are not so great right at this moment and I have a lot to figure out.”  Caught off guard, I’m not very good at choking back tears.

“Well, but things are going to be so much better now that you are here,” he tells me.

I smile.  “I love you very much son.  That was sweet.  Thank you.”  There are times he’s amazingly sweet and his belief in me catches me off guard.  Changing subjects and pulling myself together though I add, “But I do need you to do your homework.”

“No…” he declares.  “First I’m going to come over and hug you right now!”  He loom tackles me in my chair.

Sigh…..  It’s one of those sighs where I love his hugs, wish I wasn’t so stressed and am trying to refocus so I can do what I need to do.  My son never hugs lightly.  It’s always a tackle and a bear squeeze.  And in effort to comfort me he hangs on a little longer.

I hold on to the moment just a bit and then pat his arm.  “I wish I could just live on hugs dear.  But there are just so many things coming down on me right now and I need to think.”  He lets go.

“So…” he says lightly, “just use an umbrella.”

I know I am here to teach my kids and guide them in life, but so often it is they who teach me. I stare at my son as he walks away, his words striking a tone.

And I realize he’s right.  It’s so simple.  Just use an umbrella.  And there’s always time for hugs.

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“Mommy: Which Would You Rather Have To Fight In A Tank – A Tarantula Or A T-Rex?”


I take my head-phones off.  My son just came barreling into the kitchen.  “What?” I ask. 

It’s Sunday morning and I’m sipping coffee at the table, enjoying the quiet while typing.  I’m working on a blog post.  Well… I was.  Until now.

It’s another one of those convoluted questions he throws in my lap when my head is completely dedicated to something else already.  And I’m not even really awake yet. 

He repeats the question.

“Wait,” I ask. “So the tarantula and the T-Rex are in the tank?  And I’m outside the tank trying to fight them?” I’m trying to visualize a tarantula and mini t-rex in a tank.

“No!” He says.  “You’re in the tank! It’s for the game I’m programming.”

“Oh, so I’m in the tank with them, trying to fight them?”

“No! Only you are in the tank, they are outside.”

“Wait, so I’m in the tank and a giant tarantula or T-Rex is trying to attack me?” 

“Yes!”

Since my brain was literally torn from the job it was tasked with when he popped his question, I’m struggling harder than usual to visualize and a scene from Honey I Shrunk The Kids comes to mind.

“Why am I trapped in a tank trying to fight a giant Tarantula or T-Rex? Shouldn’t they be in the tank if there’s a tank at all? Am I miniature or something?”

I clearly do not understand.  I see no logic in this game scenario. 

“No Mommy! You are in a military tank – shooting at them!”

….Duh…. 

Oh….

New light is dawning on my morning coffee brain.

“I thought you meant something like a fish tank.”

Well… when you’re talking about a tarantula and a tank, of course I thought of pets!  And of course I was way off base.  No wonder it seemed so illogical to me as a game.

“No Mommy!” He puts his hands on his cheeks, staring at me incredulously.

Yeah, I don’t care for that look and my inner self pokes fun at me.

“Hehe.  That’s the look that says: ‘Am I really related to these people?‘  I thought you never wanted your kids to have that look.” 

You know what?  Shut up self!  I’m just tired, OK?  Now get on with answering your son!

“Oh.  OK, well I guess I’d rather fight the tarantula,” I say.  “I know more about them.”

“Too bad!” he quips.  “You’re fighting both!”

 


My Surreal Life on Sunday morning: October 7, 2012

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“You know Mommy? I wonder what would happen if all the magic in the world made all the water bottles in the world appear inside a car? The car would probably explode.”


Ya think?

Random thoughts in the car after school from dear son, September 30, 2010…..

O_o

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“You know Mommy? What if there were a such thing as zombie crickets?”


Random thoughts in the car from dear son after school, 2010….

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“You know what’s strange Mommy? I fall asleep easily to Iron Maiden. I don’t know why….”


(My son one night before bed, August 14, 2010…)

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“You know Mom…? There’s no better friend than the one who kills monsters with you side by side…”


(Dear son’s reflections on the couch July 2, 2010…)

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“You know Mommy? Some days I wish I could be in an all out Nerf War…”


You know son? Sometimes so do I….

(random thoughts from dear son in the car June 25, 2010…)

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“Mommy? I Wonder What the Largest Rainstorm in the World Would be Like…? I know it’s not possible, but what if the largest rainstorm in the world was a drizzle?”


(More random thoughts from dear son in the car, June 26, 2010…)

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“Mommy, I wonder what it was like for the first people who first experienced rain….? Maybe it was scary. Or maybe they were like: ‘Look – water from the sky! Wonder if it’s edible….?’”


(More random thoughts from dear son in the car, June 27, 2010.)

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“Mommy? You know what’s the one thing a person doesn’t want to see when they’re hungry? A Burger King…. And that happens to me a lot.”


(Random thoughts from Dear Son in the car one summer morning….)

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“Mommy? Remember that restaurant we went to on our trip where they throw rolls at people? I want to go back sometime. They never gave me a roll when I asked for one….”


(Dear son’s thoughts in the car one day…)

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“I’m Such A Genius…”


Son: “Mommy Look!”
Me: “What son?”
Son: “I’m such a genius, I created a robotic arm to pick my nose!”

O_o


Originally published on June 7, 2011 on Family Quirks

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A Mother’s Surreal Moment #5987…


This story originally published on “Family Quirks” on June 24, 2010…


So I go by Sprouts on the way to pick up the kids from school. (It’s kind of like a Trader Joe’s.) And they have these great crunchy Bavarian pretzels. Basically a larger gourmet size dehydrated pretzel.

So I pick up a bag of them and have it in the car to give some to the kids, because they are generally ravenous when I pick them up from school.

The kids get into the car, we’re heading down the road and they find out I have pretzels in the car.

“YAY! Those are my favorite!” my son quips.

And I start to feel the inner satisfaction a mother feels when she knows she got it right.

And then he goes on: “They have this interesting texture that when you break them makes the edges kind of rough. And when your lip itches from the salt, you can scratch your lip with the pretzel.”

…… :blink-blink: ……

Umm, gee – that was not at all what I expected to hear……!
My kid… go figure.

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Don’t Put That Spoon In The Microwave


“Don’t put that spoon in the microwave,” I tell my 12 year old son.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “Unfortunately I’m not a moron in that way.”

“Ummm…” I say. “You mean to say ‘fortunately’ son.”

“No, I don’t,” he tells me.

“I mean unfortunately. Because I really would like to see what would happen.”


Go ahead and click a link below to “share this.”  You know you want to!  : )

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A Roomba for the Lawn…


Sighing, I gaze at the lawn after pulling into the driveway.

“I wish I had a Roomba for the lawn,” I say.  “Only to cut it, not vacuum it.  A Roomba lawnmower…. yeah….”

In his completely genuine, yet most logical Spock-like tone, my 11 yr old son quirks his eyebrows at me from the passenger seat.

“You do realize that if you did, someone could hack into it and go on a killing spree.”

Blink.

No.  That was not the first thought that came to mind Son.

Not at all.

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