If Wishes Were Fishes…


I believe the only way to get through crisis is to focus on the right now, and the just next.

That and healthy boundaries.

Obviously there are some things that could have long-term impact on your family if they don’t get done, but…

I wish I’d spent less time handling paperwork while John was sick, less time letting people tell me what I needed to do with said paperwork, and spent more time just holding my love’s hand, giving him every kiss I could and snuggling every chance.

I wish I took more naps with John. Sat on the couch and watched TV with him more.

It’s not that we didn’t have those moments. We did. But we could have had more before he died.

I did a lot, yes, and in a weird way, it was our trips to Houston for cancer treatment that gave us more time together, than at home when all the stuff had to be done. When the mailbox screamed at us.

But even so, I still wish I’d forgone some of the papers and phone calls and spent more of that time/energy with John.

In the end, maybe it helped some that I was on top of papers, but it didn’t prevent issues completely, I’m still in paperwork hell. The mailbox is just as loud and off-key.

And right now, I don’t care. I just want those moments with John. Once more his arms around me.

Don’t take it for granted. Don’t let the world tell you to focus on anything else.

The little moments matter so much more than you know.

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4 Comments

Filed under NaBloPoMo

4 responses to “If Wishes Were Fishes…

  1. I learned when Mom died that even when I did everything right, said the words, spent the time, in the end, it still was not enough. Never enough.

    • I know it”s true. With my husband, I just wish we had more moments together that were less traumatic or paperwork driven. I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t lost a parent yet and can’t imagine what that must be like. ❤️💜💙

  2. As feeble as this may sound, I am truly sorry for the loss of your husband. I hope that eventually, over time, something melodic comes as a result of the dissonance. One of my favorite composers,introduced me to a C-Major chord on top of a B-flat chord. It actually sounds beautiful because all of the notes fit together.

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