Category Archives: Editorial

Easy Button…


I find myself writing a crochet pattern again (spawned by a request).

It’s been over a decade since I completed and published my last pattern.

Writing a pattern to international crochet standards is one of the most challenging–yet rewarding–exercises I’ve ever learned in crochet. But even the photos, illustrations, and formatting of the document layout took many hours and a lot of work. Don’t get me started on pattern testing, modeling, and photoshoots.

Designing is a lot easier than figuring out how to put an understandable (and pretty) explanation on paper that describes how I make things without thinking and “how you can too!”

And maybe I’m a little picky about the appearances of what I stamp my name on.

So I haven’t been looking forward to this request, for which chicken scratch isn’t going to do. Even though, at the moment, all I need are clear, basic beginning instructions that I can disseminate quickly and digitally.

As if that isn’t marvelously critical to the success of everything when working with newbies.

And then I remembered–I have tools today that weren’t available to me a decade ago. Even my Adobe and Word products are better tools today.

And it occurred to me–I’ve been writing and marketing on social media all this time. I’ve been designing graphics, e-courses, and web pages for clients–all this time. And I’ve been writing scripts and building templates. All. This. Time.

I wished for an easy button, but honestly–she’s right here. It’s me.

I’m the magic I seek.

And even better–I have a Canva Pro account today. Which is slick as heck and fun to use.

I’ll flesh out a right nice template that I can slip my instructions into in no time.

One of my favorite quotes: “Do something today that your future self will thank you for.”

Thanks, younger me.


September 19, 2022
7:49pm

Copyright © 2022, Julia Meek Chambers, all rights reserved. No part of my post, writing, or words may be copied and shared without my express written permission and attribution.

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Filed under Artist Information & Notes, crochet, Crochet Patterns, Crochet Ruminations, Editorial, Random Thoughts, Writing

Copyright and Fair Use…


I run into creative licensing discussions when writing ads for clients–frequently.

Many myths abound over an image’s fair use, what’s considered public domain or free, whether you can be sued if you’re not profiting, etc.

The following resource was developed for educators, but it is one of the most comprehensive and easy-to-understand explanations of creative copyright that I’ve found.

https://www.theedublogger.com/copyright-fair-use-and-creative-commons/

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Gig Hunting On Social Media…


Shenanigans with Algorithms

Taken from actual job suggestions I’ve received on social media in the last month….

Digital Woman AI Algorithm: Hey Julia, I have job suggestions for you!

Me: Great! Show me what you’ve got!

AI: “Technical Writer!”

Me: Totally makes sense. I am a writer after all. Let me look at what industry that’s in.

AI: I have others, do you want to see them?

Me: Sure, what’d you find?

AI: “YouTube Media Manager.”

Me: Eh, close-ish. I don’t really specialize in the videography side of the social media pool.

AI: How about “Temperature Taker” or “COVID-19 Test Administrator?”

Me: Nooo. I mean, we have a cancer patient at home and really wouldn’t want to risk that. And I don’t have any formal medical certification either. But I guess there’s a wide-spread need for people to do that job right now. I understand why you might ask. Thanks anyway, AI.

AI: There’s “Office Clerk” and “Personal Assistant.”

Me: Eh, not quite the field I’m aiming for, AI. I hope you didn’t ask because I’m a woman.

AI: I know! “Medical Device Quality Engineer” or “Pharmacist!” Or there’s “Veterinary Technician!”

Me: Uh, nooo. I do write for the healthcare industry, so I can see why your wires are crossed there, AI.

AI: “Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist!”

Me: Um… nooo?

AI: There’s “Nursery Worker” and “Toddler Teacher.”

Me: Look AI, I know I’m a seasoned Mom, but I’m not looking for that kind of work. I’m a writer. Remember?

AI: How about “Full fabrication and installation of quartz and natural stone countertops?”

Me: Excuse me?

AI: Or “Shuttle Driver” or “Car Wash Attendant?”

Me: What? No!

AI: “Farm Hand.”

Me: Now you’re just making stuff up!!

AI: FINE! Be a “Sheriff Department Jailer” then!

Me: 😑

Copyright © 2021 by Julia Meek Chambers, all rights reserved. Julia has more than 25 years of experience as a freelance writer, content creator, and editor.

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Self-Employment Reflections of a Writer and Social Media Strategist…


Business ownership, for me, is a journey of evolution.

A form of spiritual awakening. A human revealing.

It is a Life tool that helps to push me to a higher ideal in reaching my greatest potential.

As I wade myself through Life,
navigating the hurdles and checkpoints,
I find value in what this path teaches me
and the invaluable self-discovery it leads me to.

Up there with parenthood, I believe business ownership to be one of the most compelling and empowering human experiences we can choose to take on.

An experience that will – without a doubt – force us to grow.
Force us to get to know ourselves.

Today, I’m working on my messenger response cheat sheets.

I want to have great responses for common questions ready to go. So I can respond quickly and fluidly over the holidays, during travel, the baking and Christmas cards and care packages I want to do, etc. Maintaining my excellent service without a hitch.

I bust my butt to create them now so I can rely on them later.

Truth is, as a writer, I craft and use cheat sheets and templates all the time. I’m also always looking for better, more effective words. Keeping a journal of vocabulary ideas.

Over the years, I’ve found that cheat sheets, forms, journals, systems, and templates help streamline the work I do for my clients.

It helps me maintain consistent, accurate communication, even during less ideal times.

Times when my brain is tired. When my family is sick. When I have a migraine. When my left arm/hand goes numb from an old injury. When I’m working from the hospital waiting room.

I share this because I know we all struggle with less-than-ideal circumstances in our self-employment.

It’s part of the game.

And sometimes it’s less-than-ideal circumstances that push us into this road of self-employment.

Adversity happens.

It’s absolutely inevitable in the human experience.

The question is – how prepared are you for that eventuality?

If your business is not big enough to hire out for help, then routines, systems, templates, and workflows are imperative to your survival. The “hacks” that will save your ass when the chips are down.

But more than that – it’s how you nurture your business to a place of thriving, not just surviving.

Systems and “self-programs” are the way we work more efficiently, replicate consistent results, and save valuable time and resources.

If you’re self-employed, more than likely, you came to this place of self-employment as a means of creating flexibility in your life.

It doesn’t necessarily result in less work in your life, but it can result in more freedom.

By rearranging your schedule on your own terms.

By rearranging your work in a way that’s best for you.

By accommodating:
additional goals,
a desire to volunteer in some meaningful way,
an illness,
that book you’re going to write,
a disability,
divorce,
caregiving,
introversion,
death of a loved one,
parenthood,
ageism,
anxiety and depression,
a special needs child,
overwhelming family circumstances.

As creators, we have everything we need to create a pathway to thriving success.

The perfect Brady Bunch story does not show up for us on a silver platter.
It never will.

But as leaders and creators of our own destiny, we don’t need it to.

We just need to put the work in,
to nurture
this path
that we say we want to take.

Like a soul-mate,
we must meet our business halfway,
making the commitment
to our flowering relationship
and the fruit it will bear
loving it as we love ourselves.

For our business, after all, is Us.

What systems are you putting into place to nurture the vehicle to the future you have claimed?


12-8-2019
Copyright © 2019 by Julia Meek Chambers, all rights reserved.
Reflections of a Self-Employed Writer and Social Media Strategist...

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1001…


I admit it freely – I’m a tab abuser. I turn them up way past 11. When we talk about multitasking, I’m not normal.

Only thing is, I think tabs should be used in multitude. Why have tabs for your browsers at all if you don’t take advantage of the functionality? It better matches how my brain works. The closest thing to a mind map that internetwork can offer. The way I’ve evolved my work relies on the use of tabs as part of my system of processes, switching between task, after task.

When I mention to colleagues that I have multiple tabs open, they often jump in and agree. “I’m like that too! I must have 15 tabs open right now!”

I smile, but they do not understand. They really don’t. Fifteen is nothing. ‘Tis but a drop.

However, I know I have grown a monster that is difficult even for me to manage. And I’m looking for solutions. And you’ll probably ask something about why I haven’t stored them in groups, etc. And it’s because of the many times a browser update has drop-kicked all my tabs, all my collections, my presets, etc.. Been through it too many times.

So I have multiple tabs open and I reload them upon every startup. But the number is getting out of hand. In fact, even I’m surprised that my browser hasn’t crashed sooner.

Thus I’ve been looking for apps and programs that can best help me both manage and pair down the massive amount of data my computer is trying to process as well as how much I’m trying to consume as well. Because my brain handles a LOT of multitasking, but it also has limits and I need better systems and organization to do everything I must.

Sometimes you gotta clean house.

I’ve been looking and digging for months, trying to find something I like, that makes sense to my brain. So this morning, I downloaded Tab Manager Plus for Firefox.

I have no idea yet if it will finally be the one, my tabular soul mate. So many beaus before have tried and failed. I’ve been told I’m too demanding and high maintenance, but somewhere out there is a tab managing system that’s meant for me. One day that prince will come. Maybe it’s this one. We’ll see.

It did show me what kind of tab user I am though. 1001. That’s the number of tabs open in my Firefox alone. That doesn’t count Chrome, MS Edge, Safari, or Explorer. I have 88 open just on Chrome right now.

No, I don’t feel bad about it.

Oh, and this is just my laptop, not counting my desktop. Of course, Firefox has a special design to it that does not activate all open tabs at once, unlike Chrome. So my Firefox tabs are not stressing the system at 1001. Probably more like 101. Give or take.

Anyway, so I’m not sure if I’m the worst of tab users out there, but I think it’s safe to say that I rank pretty high. I’ll let you know how the new gear checks out.

Pics or it didn’t happen? Screenshot below!

1001 Browser Tabs Open Screenshot

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Filed under Editorial, NaBloPoMo

Find Your Wall…


People ask about my philosophy for finding my balance.

Especially with all that’s happened to my family, these last 3 years.

Life can be overwhelming.

It can drown you.

And it will without boundaries.

It will without a way to brace yourself.

Find where your wall is.

That place that when you’re against it, you daren’t go past.

That place that makes you face what you want to run from.

That place that you can hang onto when the world rages at you.

When I have trouble with my boundaries today, my wall is my son.

Some will say it should be God.

I don’t disagree, but sometimes it’s when our kids are at risk that we rise up when we otherwise didn’t have it in us.

Sometimes, it’s Unconditional Love, not our vision of a Creator, that makes us see more.

I have a son fighting cancer who needs me to stick to my boundaries.

I need to accomplish a certain number of things.

I need to hit a certain $$ number every year to make sure he has access to the care he needs.

Talk about being hungry enough – most people I know do not understand what hungry actually is.

I cannot hit the number I need if I’m not disciplined about my work and how I bill.

I share that as someone who knows this and still struggles sometimes, even after 20+ years of part-time self-employment.

I share this because my son is my motivation above all else at this time.

We handcrafters, we women, we caregivers, we the self-employed who fight imposter syndrome…

– We must value ourselves and we must reverse engineer how to supply our needs.

Find that thing for you that helps you stick to your boundaries and commitments.

Find Your Wall.

When you have that, you will often find clarity in what is healthiest for you, your family and your business.

Find Your Wall - Julia Meek Chambers - Aberrant Crochet - My philosophy of finding my balance in the face of uncertainty

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Anarchy In Writing…


NaBloPoMo is the blogger’s answer to NanoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It stands for National Blog Posting Month. I refer to it sometimes as November NaBloPoMo, because after NaBloPoMo was taken over by BlogHer, it became used there as a monthly exercise throughout the year too. Bloggers could participate in a NaBloPoMo challenge any month, with a different theme to boot. However, the main traditional November Challenge was still supported and observed. And by far, it’s remained the most active time of the year for blogging challenges.

I mentioned to you yesterday that I would try to catch you up on the unofficial nature of official November NaBloPoMo this year. I don’t know much, but here’s what I do know.

It unfortunately appears that BlogHer.com may have forgotten or simply abandoned the annual project. My guess is this is related to their acquisition by SheKnows.com in 2014. No one from either identity is responding to inquiries about NaBloPoMo, which is disappointing. And a little confusing. I can find no official announcements about it one way or another either. The last couple years of “official” November NaBloPoMo coordination since the acquisition have seemed odd. Rumors of lots of changes at BlogHer were murmured. And last year November NaBloPoMo was definitely put together at the last minute.

However, this year, the entire site, login and everything is different. You can still find archives from previous years of NaBloPoMo, but there’s nothing new. You can find posts from bloggers asking about the challenge, and no responses. No responses on Twitter either. In fact, no real interaction at all. And the entire site has been redone and restructured. I even have a brand new writer’s page at SheKnows now, along with an invitation to be a social influencer. With no details.

I’m not sure what to make of it yet, but one thing is clear – they have not invested time or attention into NaBloPoMo this year. Which makes me yearn for days of yore when we were just a bunch of creative bloggers who wanted to make writing more approachable and fun. And we did it by teaming up in November to blog our hearts out, cheer each other on, and even donate drawings prizes for those who completed the challenge.

I joined BlogHer because of NaBloPoMo. But never really participated in any of the other challenges other than the November one. Old enthusiasm for a good thing dies hard. November is where it’s at.

I’m not alone. Seeing they didn’t start the annual event in the first place, people are self-organizing for this year’s challenge. Which is to write and publish a blog post every day for the month of November (no writing ahead or banking posts more than 24 hours ahead). At least, if you follow the original rules.  To learn more about NaBloPoMo, you can refer to my previous post on it here.

So… that’s the news. No one seems to be officially organizing NaBloPoMo for 2017. And who knows what kind of legalities surround any official organization, since BlogHer took over NaBloPoMo in 2011 when it became too big for the founder to run by herself.

Personally, I find this year’s abandonment sad, because the point is to help inspire writers (especially new writers) to take a dive and write. Or blog as it were. And find their sea legs in the exercise of crushing it with a daily deadline. Not to mention to help foster community. To me, it’s one of those worthy can’t-help-but-make-the-world-better exercises.

Does anyone legally own NaBloPoMo? Um, actually yes, a paper trail exists.

However, in exercise and concept, no one can prevent bloggers from keeping the November daily blogging tradition alive. Even if the free world ended and they took our internet away, I’m sure we could find a way to keep it going. Like some sort of cult. If we wanted. We could secretly meet every November at a retreat to share each other’s scripts. Maybe create some rights and rituals to make it really rebellious. Add chips, salsa and margaritas and I’m there.

So I suppose for now, there’s a little bit of NaBloPoMo anarchy about. Though two online entities I know of are sponsoring November blogging link up parties where you can share your posts. And I have joined them both for now.

NanoPoblano November 2017The group known as Nano Poblano is one that’s been around a little while. If you want to join their ranks as a Cheer Pepper and share November posts, that’s done in their Facebook Group. While I’ve been aware of their existence for awhile, I only just joined them this year.
.

Blissfullemon NaBloPoMo Link Up PartyFor the 2017 challenge, Blissful Lemon has also offered a way to not only register your blog in one public place, but also share your November posts with fellow participants. After all, reading posts from others and supporting each other in the challenge is also part of the tradition.

Above are the respective badges for each group.

I’m glad these entities are providing a community for NaBloPoMo orphans around the world. And I did join them both this year.

But I’m feeling a little anarchist about it all. Like a sudden urge to find something to graffiti. My little tantrum over the NoMoNoBlo (No More November Blogging) that seems to have replaced such a nice community exercise.

As the world of internet blogging becomes more and more sleek, corporate and “official” and less individual and organic, I suppose it’s bound to happen.

If I had the bandwidth, I’d provide a rogue gathering spot myself. Though I’d be a poor leader for it this year with everything John and I just went through.

Still, creative rebel that I am, I couldn’t resist feeling like a message should be splattered somewhere. A little freedom of speech exercise. Mainly because no one has responded to queries. Like really, who does that? Or doesn’t do that, as it were. There’s so little interaction, it’s like the new site is run by robots.

Maybe “official” entities don’t care about NaBloPoMo anymore, or fail to see its value. Or maybe they tried to turn it into something else and failed to inform the masses who side with an annual November tradition.

But there’s a core of us out here who do care about a November Blogging Challenge and see its value. And we still love the creative individuality that was inherent in the original organic evolution of it. Maybe it’s a sign of the times and we’ll find ourselves having to move on.

But we were cool once.

NaBloPoMo #NoMoNoBlo 2017 Anarchy Badge - designed by Aberrant Crochet

And way back when, in the days of yore, many of us created and shared a variety of NaBloPoMo badges for people to pick from.

So I decided to get creative with a little rebel Aberrant protest of my own.

My expression of angst in a sea of other emotions I dine on these days.

Here’s the badge I created for this year.

#NoMoNoBlo anarchy begins.

 

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Drive…


I don’t have a lot of answers. But I do have a few.

Life is too short a game to stick with things you hate.

Anything that takes your peace away is not healthy for you long-term.

Sure, there’s risk in change.

But all things worth anything require risk.

Life is risk. Love is risk. Hate is risk. Health is risk.

Winning is risk. Losing is risk.

Just releasing your voice upon the ether is risk.

ART IS RISK.

You can do everything right and lose every thing.

But in risking everything, you actually risk nothing.

Because you can’t opt out.

RISK is in every breath already.

It’s what makes life – LIFE.

Regardless of what you choose to do,
one of two things will happen.

You will take the next breath, or you won’t.

There’s freedom in that fact.

Might as well see what this game can look like.

And therein lies the key.

So ok, you can’t quit that job you hate today.

Or drop that class. Or move your family.

It sucks.

But you can craft a plan and set things in motion to move in a direction you want.

What does that take?

How would you get more data to look at those ideas more closely?

What doors would need to open?

How do you find those doors?

Who are the people associated with those doors and where do you meet them?

Work the problem backwards and find yourself some steps to start with.

If nothing else, life won’t be boring if you pursue this exercise in free will.

And know this.

YOU are the most powerful thing in your entire universe.

Nothing is more powerful than you. Save God, but he gives you free will.

So be your own creator.

Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, doesn’t matter.

Grab the handles of that motorcycle and drive that engine where you want to go.

Whatever you do – DON’T make a plan based on what you think the world wants.

Screw that.

What would you like to do? What does quality of life mean to you?

What would you like written on your gravestone?

Start with that.

But don’t wait around. Death is certain for us all.

I’m no one special, but I hope this helps.

Resolve to trust yourself a little more tomorrow than you do right now.

You won’t regret it.

“The trouble is, you think you have time.”
– Jack Kornfield, Buddha’s Little Instruction Book

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Why We Pray For Others…


monk-prayerNapoleon Hill, widely regarded as one of America’s most successful (and most spiritual) business leaders, believed that a negative state of mind could undo the power of prayer.

He saw that it was important we always keep our minds in the right place when we pray, but also when we go about our daily routines. That a positive mindset was critical to our success and well-being, as well as the manifestation of our prayers and dreams.

Prayer is known in many forms all around the world, regardless of religion, culture, philosophy or spiritual belief. Even my atheist friends believe there is something to prayer and what it does for the human psyche, even if only as a form of collective consciousness.

As a student of world religions, the idea that a negative frame of mind can undo the power of prayer is definitely striking to me.

My belief in the power of prayer is strong, even though most people don’t think of me as religious. It’s saved my life too many times to doubt it. And I believe in a Creator behind that power. Even now, with everything John and I face, I still believe.

But why pray for others?

Depending on how tough things are, it can be hard to stay encouraged. And stay positive.

Frankly, many of my prayers in recent months have even been angry. If the outcome of my prayers had to rely entirely upon my personal attitude, I wouldn’t get far.

The prayers of others help lift us when we struggle on our own.

Herein lies the secret I think.

I especially understand this with everything my husband is going through today. Staying positive about a terminal illness is incredibly difficult. So if a negative outlook can undo the power of Prayer, then what are we to do when we become discouraged? How do we manage “mind over matter” when our brain has been damaged? What are we to do in the face of great adversity?

Why bother to pray if what’s supposed to give us comfort and connect us to the Divine will simply be erased should our emotions get the better of us?

This is where the prayers of others are so important. We’re not attached to the trials we don’t experience. When we pray for each other, our faith that our prayers matter is not darkened by our own trials and discouragement.

The act of prayer is an exchange of energy. Collective prayer adds to the energy given.

When we are down, when were discouraged, when we’re afraid, when our faith falters – the love, encouragement and prayers of others can help bridge the gap and keep our batteries going.

No man is an island.

Humanity has always been social by nature and has never thrived on solitude.

We’re always better when we share our burdens and come together.

A single candle lights and even rekindles many others.

Thanks everyone for keeping mine lit.

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The insurance situation is frustrating for everyone…


family-insuranceThere are some things I’m thankful for now that I have experience to provide perspective.

Under current laws, my husband who was struck suddenly with a terminal brain cancer (there is no cure) cannot be denied health coverage.

I have a lot of anger over this issue, because most likely, the cause is related to his military service, but it hasn’t been proven and all responsibility is denied. And let’s face it, his area of service was not highly covered in the news. Deployment was not easy on our family. It was a destructive time for us emotionally and financially. And now, it’s happening again, only worse.

Statistics say if my husband survives another year, he will be an outlier. Extreme cancers like this are horrifying for both patients and families. There is so much you’ll never understand about something like this, without going through it. And I would never wish for you to know what any of it is like. It’s not something you wish on any human, if you are human.

And when it’s your brain under attack, it’s not like you would imagine. it’s not predictable and it is not kind about how it destroys bits and pieces of your personality and life.

Cancers like this are also orphan diseases. Less than 52,200 case of brain cancer are diagnosed per year in the US, and glioblastoma is only about 15% of those cases. Out of billions of people. I think you might have a better chance of being struck by lightning.  Unlike other diseases, there is no known cause for glioblastoma, other than a handful of connections made to certain types of radiation exposure and agent orange. Not even a genetic cause has been identified.

John has been the poster child of health, good diet and fitness for a man in his mid-40s for years. And yet he was struck with a voracious, fast killing primary brain cancer caused by a series of DNA errors. (It’s been proven to not be connected to diet. This feels very much like being struck by lightning.)

I have hated being forced to pay for things that are not useful to me.  I have resented high costs of insurance that would not cover things I wanted to do, like see a chiropractor instead of have surgery. See an acupuncturist, instead of rely on pain meds (most of which I’m allergic to anyway). Etc.I have not wanted to be forced to pay for something that in my estimation is not in my best interest.  Overall, I believe insurance should be more for catastrophic situations and less for managed care.

However, I do believe that insurance *should* cover things like what is happening to my husband. Because no one understands why some of these things happen. They can’t be foreseen. They can’t be predicted. They’re not even understood at any level. There are no known causes. It literally could be you next. It really, literally could be you. There is no telling where the dice lands next.

Insurance is supposed to help hedge the impact of extreme situations, because illness (and accidents) like this damages communities. It doesn’t just take down a person, or even a family. It takes down an entire sector of what used to be a healthy, productive circle of society.  Car accidents happen, and no one wonders if these should be covered. But being struck with an extreme disease that has no known cause or cure? And we question it?

Everyone who ever depended on John is suffering. He was not a small fish who had little impact on the world. He led and saved so many men and women. Both in duty and on his own time. As recently as New Year’s week, when we were on our 20th wedding anniversary trip, he saved a woman and her dog from an elevator during a snow storm and blackout. We didn’t know it then, but his brain tumor was forming by then. And John, as always, did the right thing. He has always protected and served and with a laid-back spirit and wry smile.

If insurance was allowed to deny him coverage because he’s been diagnosed with a terminal illness, not only does it mean his death, likely in 3 months or less, it means an incredibly torturous death. No one can reasonably agree that this would be a right thing to do.

So I must admit, these are perspectives I never had before. As we all argue over required insurance, coverage laws and costs. All the money we overpaid in our lifetime pales in comparison to the fight we’re in now. As to Obamacare policies, I have learned that many deny treatment at some point. Even Medicaid and Medicare denies treatment past a point to many GBM patients. We’re paying for Cobra so John can continue with treatment from a genuine brain cancer center, not just a generalist who knows very little about his cancer.

There are problems everywhere with no perfect solution. But I thank God for insurance coverage right now.

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Filed under Editorial, Glioblastoma, NaBloPoMo

Be Your Own Fairy Godmother…


Be Your Own Fairy Godmother - image by Aberrant CrochetOne of my favorite fairy tales when I was a kid was a story called, “The Pixy and the Lazy Housewife,” by Mary Calhoun (1969).

In the story, it is told that pixies, while tricksy in nature, sometimes will help a housewife with her chores when she is sick.  Because while pixies may be tricksy, they are good-hearted folk after all.

So in the story, a lazy housewife hatches a tricksy plan of her own to get the pixies to take pity on her and clean her dirty house for her, because she doesn’t want to do it herself. Which of course backfires, as does anything when trying to trick the wee folk!

It wasn’t that I was a fan of the lazy housewife’s rotten house, or even the plight of housekeepers everywhere (where there’s always someone’s dirt to clean).

I fell in love with the idea that there might be unseen friends out there somewhere, with some kind of honor code and the power to do something, who might show compassion and help someone in pain or need.

Another favorite fairy tale of mine was Cinderella.  (The Perrault version from 1697 I might add.)  I loved that someone could find nurturing and love AND rise above their circumstances, no matter how painful a story their past.  And while fairies and wee folk in general seem to have their own interests at heart to serve, the idea of a fairy godmother was different.  Because fairy godmothers didn’t just serve their own interests. They took their charges seriously.

I don’t know about you, but I love the idea of a fairy godmother in particular.  She’s not quite as juvenile as other wee folk.  She’s usually kind, all-knowing and willing to help.  And I just knew there had to be a fairy godmother out there for me.   Someone always there, who loved me like a mother (or grandmother), wise as the Universe, who understood my woes, would heal my wounds, treat me to enriching experiences and make magic happen.

There were other influences on my love of the idea of unseen help.  The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis mentions a grandmother who might have had fairy blood.  A wonderful notion!  And of course, there’s the character Aslan from Lewis’ books, who is practically (literally) a fairy God-Lion.

And so my love for the story of private friends and help, unseen to others, grew with each passing tale.

In adulthood, I’d even play the role of an unseen friend, cleaning house, paying bills, restocking pantries, leaving treats for friends and families. All the while, thinking of what I’d love to come home to sometime, and then doing that for someone else. After all, it’s one of the nicest gifts you could give someone. To wave a wand and grant a small wish or need.

But here’s the thing. We don’t have to wish for or wait around for our own fairy godmother. She’s already here. In fact, she’s right here inside our heart and soul.

We all hurt sometimes. We’re all tired sometimes. We all need a friend to lean on sometimes. We all need and DESERVE nurturing. We all need moments of magic sometimes.

But we should not wait for Prince Charming or our Fairy Godmother to appear and see to these needs.

Start now. Start listening to the small voice inside, who says I haven’t had fun in soooo long. And do something about it! Listen to the little kid inside who says – Ooooo! Sprinkles!  Give yourself a healthy, but tasty snack. Think of the one thing you wish most you had help with, and grant yourself a wish.

Buy yourself flowers, make time and room for a reading corner with something you love to read, treat yourself like a date and try out that recipe you’ve been eying and when you’re tired, draw a bubble bath and tuck yourself into bed. Treat yourself lovingly and bestow daily wisdom on your soul. Improve your working conditions.

Do something to increase your quality of life, love and happiness.  Grant yourself the gift of good memories.

The world would be happier if we would just listen to and take care of ourselves. Deep inside, we’re all still the same little kids, just trying to get through life.

So I challenge you thus:

1. Go surprise someone by playing the role of a Fairy Godmother and do something unexpectedly kind!

2. Find a mirror. Look yourself straight in the eyes, and say this to the beautiful young soul you see….

“I love you.  And today… I’m going to do something to prove it to you.”

And go for it!

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Filed under Editorial, Random Thoughts, Writing

Aberrant Crochet’s Gratitude Challenge – Day 3… more or less…


My day yesterday was such that it was impossible for me to write on my blog here.  So today will be my day 3. The challenge said nothing about consecutive days, so I’ll take it.

I did think about what I’m grateful for though.  It was on my mind yesterday.  So I haven’t really skated on the job.

And  this isn’t NaBloPoMo after all (few things are).  Though this week has me pondering on how easy NaBloPoMo will be (or not) this year.  It’s less than 2 months away.  And I always, always compete. Even last year in a medical haze of medicine and recovery from a broken ankle, I competed.  And won my challenge.  But I wasn’t seeking and taking all the contract work then that I am today.  Hmmm….

Today, I’m grateful for people.

Aberrant Crochet - friendship quote - Muhammad Ali

1. I’m blessed to have good friends who don’t let the time and space between us dictate the quality of our friendship.  Friends who are just as real today was they were 5, 10, 20 years ago.  Friends who have no trouble picking up where we left off, no matter how long it’s been and don’t somehow expect our friendship to evaporate if it’s not constantly stroked and entertained and plied with drinks.

In general I believe that when I make a real friend, it’s for life.  It’s not a whim, a fad or a mood.  But I am a physical being with limitations and there are only so many hours in a day.  (Btw, this does not mean I support staying in a damaging relationship of any kind with anyone, because I don’t.)

Our modern world has made our circles of reality both bigger and smaller.  Smaller in reach and bigger on the inside.  Kind of like a TARDIS.  I’m grateful for friends who get that and believe in the same quality of friendship I do.  For the most part, I really have no fear when it comes to seeing old friends.  Our souls are the same.

2.  I’m grateful for the plethora of positive people who continually cross my path in the social and blogosphere.  Not to mention the amazing collection of just cool personalities, interests and information shared.  The support, encouragement and kindness of people never ceases to astound me.  People who don’t know me have helped me when I really needed it.  I’ve seen moods lifted, attitudes shifted and suicide thwarted… ON THE INTERNET.

Some say our fascination with digital life and technology is a sign of cultural degradation and bad for our psyche.  I’m not sure that I can ever really see it that way.  I realize I roam in a small niche of creative personalities in a sea of possible experiences, but gratefully, my experiences have taught me things and added to my life.  And I can’t say any have taken from it.

Again and again I see the inherent goodness of people and appreciate it.  It makes my day, reminds me to lift others too and keeps me going.

3.  I wouldn’t be the person I am today, nor have the skills I do if it weren’t for many mentors who provided love, guidance and foundation in my life.  One in particular was Mrs. Kay Johnson, my school principal and classroom teacher for 4 years.

Mrs. Johnson wielded one of the largest influences in my writing and research skills and an attitude of pursuing excellence in everything.  I would even say she gave me some personality traits I might not have otherwise picked up.  And she taught me that even tiny people can command respect and move the world.  As a kind of runt, and an almost painfully shy child, I needed that living example. She was one of the smallest and most powerful women I’ve had the blessing to know in my life and sharp as a tack. I’d love to tell her in person some day.  I’m sure she doesn’t realize she impacted me that way.

To you Mrs. Johnson.  You weren’t easy on us and you always expected the best.  And I know I sometimes frustrated you.  But you were one of the best things that happened to my childhood and I thank you.

Well… so there it is.
Time for me to get back to work now.

Y’all have a great one!


If you enjoyed this article, you might also like:

Aberrant Crochet’s Gratitude Challenge – Day 2

Aberrant Crochet’s Gratitude Challenge

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Filed under Editorial, Inspiration, Writing

Aberrant Crochet’s Gratitude Challenge…


I have been nominated by my soul sister, Laurie Wheeler (a.k.a. Fearless Leader of The Crochet Liberation Front) to participate in the Gratitude Challenge for the next 5 days. Each day I am to post 3 things I am thankful for, and then nominate three friends to take on the challenge.

This started on Facebook, but I decided to share it here too.  What better way to reboot my blog than with gratitude?  Here goes….

Aberrant Crochet's Gratitude Challenge - 6,400 seconds today - Have you used one to smile?

I just fell in love with this guy! You?

1. I am grateful for social media. It sounds like some sort of modern cliché, but the fact remains, be it Facebook, Twitter or Ravelry, I would not be in touch with a whole lot of cool people (and some cool family) if it weren’t for social media. And sometimes that’s what keeps me going.  Keeps me praying for others.  Helps me to remember.

2. After years of a completely different reality, I’m grateful to now live in a well-built home that isn’t threatening my sanity every day.  And there are fish ponds! 🙂  I ♥♥ my house!

3. I’m grateful for work. Nearly every lick of which has been brought my way thanks to a friend and word of mouth somehow.  Because the people I know rock.  And I will give them my all for believing in me.

Now to pour myself a cup of energy, dust off some courage and get to the day….

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Filed under Editorial, Random Thoughts, Writing

Don’t Shop-Block Your Fellow Artists


OK, I had to find a nicer way to say it.  Unfortunately inspired by true events. 

I thought about it and thought about it.  And this was the nicest way I could think of to say that and still get the sharp point across.  Don’t shop-block your fellow artists and professionals.  (And likewise don’t let anyone do it to you.)

Just don’t.

When you’re doing shows, especially juried shows, there are internal cultural parameters as to what’s acceptable professional etiquette and behavior from participating artists, and what is not.  Not too unlike wearing white to a wedding when you are not the bride and it’s not your wedding day, you never want to block or steal a sale from anyone else.  And though most of these rules should be rather common sense to everyone, since they are mostly about basic manners and professionalism, unfortunately they are too often not clear to everyone.

One of those rules is to never violate another artist’s sales space.  We all paid for space at an event, it’s your job to govern your own space, but also to support the show as a whole and to support each of your fellow artists by maintaining a professional approach to everything.  Never come over to a fellow artist’s booth and talk to the customers in their space or block them from being able to shop.  It doesn’t matter if you just talked to them a few minutes before somewhere else.  It doesn’t matter if they’re your best friends whom you haven’t seen in years.  Unless they left their glasses on your table, you don’t go after them into someone else’s space.  You just don’t do it.  Not to mention that it can be seen as stalking.  If you just must talk to those customers, do so privately and in the public arena, not in someone’s space.  Not ever.

And the same goes for friendly chatting with your fellow artists in their spaces.  It’s one thing if you’re friends with that other artist and you’re chatting privately, but as soon as a potential customer shows up, you politely exit, get out-of-the-way or at least shut up right then.  And you keep your chatter to a minimum, because everyone is there for one main reason – to serve the customers at the show.  Nothing else should have a higher focus than that.

You never stand with in front of someone else’s space and block traffic flow to their booth either.  It’s incredibly rude!  In fact, it’s a faux pas for customers too.  Congregating in front of an artist’s booth that you have no intention of shopping at, thereby blocking traffic flow so others cannot easily see or enter that artist’s booth, is a terrible thing to do to someone.  However, because we all want customers to have a good time at an event, we artists generally try to be polite and patient with customers who do this, for a little while.  (If you’ve done this unawares – now you know better – don’t do it again!)

Artists should abso-frickin-lutely know better.  Traffic flow is gold at a show.  Every booth and logo and display is all counting on traffic attention at a show.  You can only sell as much as you are seen.  And you never want to mess with that for anyone!  Talk about bad, bad show karma!  And if it’s obvious that you are doing something like that intentionally, it can get you black-listed – for good reason.

Why is all this important?  Because shows (especially juried shows) are for professionals.  Shows survive and do well as a whole marketplace.  To be respected as an artist and human being, you have to consider the long view and the reputation you build every single day with every single action and choice you make.  And how well can you represent not only yourself, but the other businesses (shows) you align yourself with.

So just on a purely professional class basis, you never, ever EVER do something that could cost your fellow artist a sale.  You know what it’s like.  It doesn’t matter if you like that fellow artist, if you do the same work as they do, or if you’re friends or enemies.  It doesn’t matter if you had the same idea they are selling out there right now or you’re so sure that your product is better and it’s killing you that they were juried into the same event.  You never show your ass or cost them a sale.  You have the decency and professionalism to keep your mouth shut and let them do business.  Express any concerns you have to the appropriate planners and then move forward being the good person and professional you know yourself to be.  Don’t stoop to lower level behavior.

These professional principles aren’t just for the show circuit though.  They hold true anywhere, even online.  It’s happened to me.

I marketed a service offer to my followers on one of my social sites once.  (I’m not just a crochet designer/writer, I work in other fields too.)  In this case, I offered some tech help to some fellow professionals whom I care about through one of my various public pages.  A page you have to subscribe to, to see.  And guess what?  Someone immediately commented about her “identical” services on my post, on my page!  She was just dying for the world of my own readership (not hers) to know that she also wanted to offer what I’m offering.  In all reality, she stepped into my booth space and hawked her wares.

Dude!  You don’t do that!

Needless to say, I took her remark down.  It’s my page, I can do that.  I didn’t choose to respond to her remark though, because anything I could say would either cost me sales, or cost her own sales/reputation.  And it would just leave a bad taste for everyone.  After all, her remark was already… professionally awkward, to say the least.  There was no way I could tolerate her move professionally.  However, I also wasn’t going to compound her mistake by making one of my own in a public response to her  either.  Taking the remark down was as much kindness to her as it was defensive for me.

Whatever your profession, you know exactly what I’m talking about here.

So here’s the thing my dear artists and colleagues of all walks of life.  I’m betting you already know this, or my title wouldn’t have drawn you in.  You’ve probably already had it happen to you at one time or another.  You know of other fields and incidences where this principle can be applied.  And if you’ve chosen an indie-business path, then you also know that you’ve entered a world where everyone expects you to show some class, to elevate your awareness and likewise raise your level of professional behavior.  Because you are everything in your business and your business reflects on your reputation.  There’s no one to praise or blame but you.  That’s part of what makes this path such a growth-inspiring one.

But it behooves us to help set the example.  Reach out there and help those newly inducted into the world of business ownership.  Be a part of discussions and local Chambers of Commerce and get to know other artists and professionals in your field.  And help everyone understand the level of professionalism that is expected of them.  By example if by nothing else. Pass this article around so others who might not realize what they’re doing can wake up and smell the coffee.

We all need to eat.  We all need to survive.  We all have medical bills, and special needs and causes we fight for.  And we all have lessons to learn.  There’s plenty of need and plenty of pie to go around.   So have some class.  We’re all in this together.  There’s no need to cost someone else their piece.

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Filed under Business, Doing the Show Circuit, Editorial, NaBloPoMo

You Can’t Work All The Time


When you’re an entrepreneur, it is easy to be sucked in 24/7.  And honestly, that’s much as it should be.

Why?  Because being in business for yourself is a responsibility that requires your heart and soul in order to run and to succeed.  Your business succeeds as you will it to.  And business is work.  You will find a lot of satisfaction in working for yourself, but the catch is, there’s no clock to punch out and there’s no guarantee of income and success.

But you can’t work all the time.  You have to break sometime.  You have to switch gears sometime.  You have to rest sometime.

I tend to have my fingers in several projects at a time and work way too many hours for the pay I make.  Part of it’s because I work for myself, and that’s often part of that life.  Part of it is because I’m catching up from losing 2.5 months and missing all my fall shows to a broken ankle.  So not only did I miss out on pay because of that, but I have medical bills to pay off too.  Yippee Ki Yay.  And while it feels really good to be getting back to normal (well close), I’m pretty exhausted too. Besides being a designer, I also do social media consulting for a couple of small business clients.  So my brain is constantly going back and forth from creative to computer, as much as I can stand.  Plus there’s the fundraising for Spain and well, everything left on my mom plate at the end of the day.  Someone please do some laundry for me? 

However, this is Thanksgiving week.  I don’t like falling into the holidays at all, much less Thanksgiving.  It’s important to me at this time of year to take time and experience this week with awareness.  And to meditate on the things that matter most in life.

So today, I got ready for Thanksgiving week by spending my time baking.  And with clean up.  It’s still maintenance and creativity, but of an entirely different sort than my business.

We have a tradition at our charter school of making pies for the teachers.  This year (after all, it’s our 11th year there) I did not sign up for the usual volunteer sheet that blankets the whole school.  This year the kids took polls from their teachers and decided what they wanted to make for them and we shared the work individually.  It’s our way of showing our gratitude to our teachers for what they do for us.  And there are a couple of them who may get bonus food.  I’m very thankful for the experts who are helping to shape my children’s experiences and are helping to prepare them for life.

So I go to bed tonight in a house that smells of peach pies and banana breads.  And I make some really amazing banana bread, let me tell ya.  My daughter’s peach pie rocks too.  (Our secrets?  Over ripe bananas and unsweetened peaches.)  Tomorrow I have chocolate truffle pies to make and more banana bread I want to give to our neighbors.

I did have to stop in the middle and go buy a new mixer, but in the end it was a nice break from the usual work at hand.  The baking that is, not the going to the store on a Sunday night bit.  I actually kinda hate shopping.  Except for yarn.  And maybe motorcycles and drums.

Just as it’s important for parents to make time to still have dates even after having kids, it’s also important for business owners to still in a sense court themselves and do something else completely different than baby their business.  And you may find if your ideas are getting stuck and stagnant and you’re worrying about burning out, that this is especially important to do.  You don’t have to take a vacation or do anything expensive.  You just have to switch gears and do something different from what you normally do to survive.  It’s OK if it’s still “work,” but it has to be different than what you’ve been doing.

So unless you have a show this week, this is a good time in the U.S. to take a bit of a breather and allow yourself to do something different, that you haven’t done in a long time.  And if you’re not in the U.S., then it may be a good week to make a date for a break anyway, what with other holidays looming on the horizon.

Take a break, get some rest, let down your hair and entertain yourself in some different way.

What will you pick?


If you enjoyed this article, you might also like:

Dear Artists: Your Prices Are Not The Problem – Or Are They?

How Much Are You Worth?

When Artists Hear “I Can Make That!

Disparaging Handcrafts In The Name Of Law – How Far Does It Push Us Back?

Cro-pocalypse: The Rise of Crochet

Help Me Travel The World To Study Crochet Hooks!


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Filed under Business, Editorial, NaBloPoMo

Are We Becoming Another Tower Of Babel?


Comments from my blog post a few nights ago sparked some meditations for me.

Though I don’t want to see us lose our past and forget the eloquent arts of how to write or how to speak, I also see that we’re evolving.

When you stop and think about it, it’s not just that the world is shrinking.  With the influence of technology and our society’s adaption, we are learning and forming new languages and cultures.

We just don’t think about it that way.

Technology is a great tool.
Tower of BabelBut it’s also putting us in a position to be in contact with so much input of data, that we are now evolving at faster and faster rates.

Even our vocabulary.  Language and behavioral evolution that previously would have taken much longer to evolve, after traditional historical fashion, is now happening in days.

It’s a fascinating realization.

Someone across the world in a country I’ve never seen, much less understand, can have an affect on my ideas and decisions.  Even if only to simply decide whatever they’ve chosen to have for dinner sounds good to me too.

It’s an amazing frontier, and a bit of a frightening one as well.

We romanticize about secret societies and orders of human history.  But we are creating them even as we speak.  We’re developing languages and micro-cultures that only the members of which really understand.  Only this time, it is not mountains and rivers that divide or unite us.

Twitter, texting, Facebook: these all have language specifics, expected behaviors and values. “Secret codes.”  And if you’re not “in” the culture, then you don’t know. Not too unlike being in the military, or being a sci-fi geek. Each subgroup has its values, it’s language, it’s own support system and even its own humor.

So it brings us back to that evolution factor and how fast this is taking us just exactly where?

Because I definitely think there’s an argument that can be made for the potential to create an experience not too unlike the story of the Tower of Babel. Where the language and cultures become confused.  And instead of unity within a single people, an undeniable division and separation of cultures is born.


If you enjoyed this article, you might also like:

The Balance Between Communicating Too Much And Not Enough

Three Communication Tips To Help You Get Your Point Across

Four Dysfunctional Attitudes About Communication

When There Isn’t Enough “Me” To Go Around…


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Filed under Editorial, NaBloPoMo

When Designers Hear “Can You Cut Your Price?”


I was so irritated.

It happened.

I’m not going to say their name, give you details, or talk about the proposal, but I certainly am going to write a warning for anyone who will listen.  And I don’t frellin’ care that I want to yell about it all over the internet.

It happened.

Red_Wine_GlassAnd it was asked by the owner of a new business, who days after asking me to commit to a project, came back and bemoaned the fact that she had a slim budget for her grand opening.

Was there any way I could negotiate a lower price?

“I can appreciate the prices you charge because of your extensive expertise, but…. I’m paying for all this wine and I don’t have enough money.”

blinkhuh

What. The. Hell.

Really.  After a week of knowing my price, and me setting aside time and making preparations.  Really?

So dear readers:  would you take a 50% pay cut if your boss asked?  Bet not only you wouldn’t, but you’d tell him where to go!

DON’T DO THIS!  ARTISTS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

And just because you’re used to buying 3rd world cheap, doesn’t mean you’re justified in asking for my services, scheduling me and then asking me to slash my pay.  (What d’ya wanna bet that ain’t box wine you’re springing for.)  I could have far better respected you coming clean and saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t have as much money as I thought,” than to ask me to work for half price.

“I have 200 people on my mailing list that I will advertise your business to when I advertise my event. So you’ll get exposure.”

Really?

“Exposure” is the rotten kiss of hard-work-for-nothing in many cases.  Every newbie thinks at some point that every flirtatious offer to exchange products or services for “exposure” will be good for them.  Too often it just isn’t.  And for some businesses, too much of that kind of financial risk is just the kiss of death.

And 200 people on your mailing list?  That’s all?  If the wind is blowing the right way, I might get one contact out of that.  IF your email ad is done nicely.  But statistics are not in favor of even that.

“I’m sure people who attend my event will become future customers for you.”

Here’s where my eyes start to glaze over just a little.  I’ve heard all this before.  People who try to present themselves as having assets they don’t really have.

In over a decade of being in business for myself, not once has making a donation, or participating in someone’s private event ever… let me repeat that… EVER sent me a lead, much less a sale!

Now.  I do a lot of charity work.  I’ve often donated to cancer causes with no questions asked.

But here’s the big key.  I don’t do it for exposure.  I do it because I choose to give back to the world through a kind heart and generosity.  Because that feels right to me and because I want to.  That doesn’t mean I don’t put my name on my donations, but giving for exposure is the wrong reason.  Spending business assets on possible “exposure” has never paid for me.  Not saying it won’t for someone else, but it never once has for me.

Artists and designers and consultants and musicians and all those other entrepreneurs out there need to be just as respected for their time and expertise as someone who works for the man.

And whatever this weird fatal attraction is, where society is dying to have us colorful creatives around, but you want us to pimp ourselves out for cheap, has just gotta go.

Stop dissing our fields.

Stop diminishing our returns.

Stop using us.  And artists, don’t you go caving either!

We have every right to feed our kids and have a warm bed too.


If you enjoyed this article, you might also like:

How Much Are You Worth?

When Artists Hear “I Can Make That!

Disparaging Handcrafts In The Name Of Law – How Far Does It Push Us Back?

Cro-pocalypse: The Rise of Crochet

Help Me Travel The World To Study Crochet Hooks!


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Filed under Editorial, NaBloPoMo

Follow Your Heart – It’s Not Really That Clichéd – Crochet Ruminations


You know the best advice I can give an artist seeking to sell for profit is to follow your heart when it comes to creativity and listen to your customers’ feedback.

Every time I’ve ever tried to do something my heart wasn’t really into, from that creative artistic point of view, it never would sell well.

In the beginning, I got a lot of shoulds on what to make from peers and others who had input to give me, but who weren’t ever buying from me.  “You should make dog clothes!”  I don’t own dogs and I don’t know the first thing about shaping for them, I don’t think so.  “You should make purses!” Well, I might make a couple, but if I’m not really a bag lady myself, how can I possibly find it interesting enough to create them for profit or be in tune with what people want in a crochet purse. “I just want to see you succeed,” another artist told me at a show after giving unsolicited advice.

And you know what else?  Not once has a customer treated me that way either.  Kind of interesting.  Maybe they like my ideas just the way they are.

And that’s just it.  I have always succeeded by being me.  And not by trying to imitate someone else.

I believe people buy handmade and art because they are expressions of someone, and they are drawn to that spirit.  When it’s authentic, they’re fans.  When it’s not, there’s nothing to distinguish you the individual from someone else.  And when we listen to fans and to the people who are actually putting money into our hands, we’re listening to people who have tapped into our creative spirit.  Which can be really helpful when we’re feeling a bit lost and need direction.

Anyway, so though it sounds clichéd, seriously – follow your heart in your craft.  Pour yourself into it.  And if you can’t?  If there’s a block? Then find an avenue that isn’t blocked.  Nowhere does it say that you have to be a yellow pencil.  Be inspired by someone?  Sure.  But genuinely do your own thing!

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Filed under Business, crochet, Crochet Ruminations, Editorial, NaBloPoMo, Writing

Happy Veterans Day: Watch Your Language


It had been a long weekend in the Texas sun.  The state guardsman reached for the refrigerator door and a welcome shower of cool air fell over his long military sleeves.

Looking over the grocer’s jugs of milk, searching for the best date, his hand lingered on a handle for just a moment.

That’s when he heard it.

“Kill any babies.”

The tone was aimed directly at him. And it wasn’t in the form of a question.

Quietly the father retrieved the milk his wife asked for and he straightened.  He was on the way home from weekend guard duty.   They would be deploying for hurricane relief soon.  It would mean a pay cut, but that’s what guardsman do. They go where they are needed.  Local relief, wars in distant lands, bringing war criminals before the Hague so they can stand trial for their crimes against humanity; guardsmen and reservists help fill the gap.

On the one hand, it’s sad that our military is paid so small for such great sacrifice and threat of safety.  And yet, you wouldn’t want a military that was made up of people who were only there for the money.  It would be a dangerous thing.  You need men and women who are willing to be of service, to offer a sacrifice of their personal wants and needs for those of another, to help maintain this bubble we live in and call the U.S..  And today guardsmen are depended upon more and more.

So much is given when someone says to Uncle Sam, OK – my life is yours to command.  Not to mention given of the mothers, mates and children left behind.  Not to mention, sometimes even unto death.  Our military needs to know its people love  them.  So to hear something like this is just… demoralizing.

I chose to write about an uncomfortable subject today, in honor of Veterans Day, because it’s a silent abuse that no one talks about.  That father was my husband.  And this kind of treatment of veterans is not often talked about but it happens.  All too frequently.  It happens to the families who support their soldiers.  It happened to me just for “allowing” my husband to enlist in the army guard after 9/11.  Not to mention the persecution against children of soldiers.

I don’t know what the answers are, but the story needs to be told.  It’s bad enough when free people forget to say thank you to those who voluntarily give up their freedom to serve the greater good.  But this other stuff? Whatever it is?

“Kill any babies.”

My husband straightened up, milk in hand.

Taking a deep breath, he looked at the older woman, but only briefly.

He steeled his jaw and pivoted away, replying just simply this:

“Not today.”


To our brothers and sisters in arms and to the families at home waiting for them: we salute your sacrifice and service and we embrace you as our own. We promise to teach our children to value what you give.  May God be with you all and bring you safely home. 

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Filed under Editorial, NaBloPoMo

Heartbeat In My Ears…


My true story. 

There’s a heartbeat sounding in my ears.

“See mom, these are the Hot Wheels I want to keep, because they have moving parts.”  The rest can go to the fundraiser.

Moving parts are always more interesting.

Thump-thump.

I hear the crashing sound of a demolition crew.

Wait….  That’s not right.  I’m sitting at a stop light.  At an intersection on the edge of town.  Nothing but trees and cacti on my right.  I turn to my left.

Heartbeat.

There’s an infinity in the space between moments.  Did I leave my body?

Heartbeat.  Silence.

My child!

If I left my body, it wasn’t for long.  But I’m frozen.

The pickup driver’s hair is blonde.

Flash…..

My earliest childhood memory takes place in my father’s arms at an amusement park.  My parents told me that I must have been about 18 months old when they took that trip.

I’m staring at a ride that looks something like a huge airplane propeller with rockets on each end.  It’s painted red, white and blue, with one end red, the other blue and a band of white at the axis.

The propeller spins and there is a boy in the blue rocket.  His shirt is yellow.  He’s screaming his head off and I can see a look in his eyes.

Flash…..

A black pickup is hanging in mid-air.  It twists and grows larger.

Fractured glass.

The driver’s hair is blonde.  There is a look in his eyes.

My hand flies out in front of my son.

Flash…..

It’s Friday before Spring Break 2005.  I’m going to see Grandma Dot and Grandpa Jack.  I packed the antique dishes Grandma Dot’s great-uncle gave her, that she passed on to me.  He was the US ambassador to Mexico once and he brought her back this set of white dishes.  I want to ask her for more details to complete the story about these dishes.  She always remembers the stories to everything.  But when I tried to ask over the phone, she wasn’t sure which set I was talking about.

They were last to load into the trunk.

“Darling, let me keep the kids.  I know you wonder if this might be the last time they’ll get to see the kids or not, but you’ll be stressed out trying to keep them away from the breakables at your grandparents.  I’ll keep the kids.  Just go, enjoy your time with your grandparents.”

My husband is wonderful.  Though guilt worries me.  What if this is the last time Grandpa is able to see his great-grandchildren?  But John’s right – Grandma’s house is not child-proof by any means.  I remove the car seats from the back seat, say goodbye to my children and leave them with John.

I always say prayers in the car when I go on a trip.

It’s Friday before spring break and Interstate 35 is filled with college students, excited for the break.  Mid-terms are over and I see kids hanging out of cars at 65 miles an hour whooping up the day.

It’s dangerous.  But I also remember college mid-terms and how delirious they make you feel.  Stress that only the young can take.  Why do we do that to them?

At mile marker 299:  The highway suddenly goes from three lanes to two, with no warning.

Some kids cut off a yellow moving truck; they’re trying to merge and going too fast.  The yellow truck practically stands on its brakes and every car around it suddenly fishes right or left to avoid collision.  There is a full shoulder on the left which only lasts for about one mile.  The young man in front of me and I quickly and successfully move to that left shoulder and safely get by.

Suddenly, there’s a force from behind me that is so great.

Can sounds blind you?

I look to my rear-view and see the demolition hitch.  It’s coming through my back window towards my head.  The white Ford F-350 doesn’t have a grill on the front.  There’s something else attached.  It looks like the front of a snow-plow.

The truck is so much higher than my silver Altima, that it never hits my bumper.  Unbounded, it plows through my back window and seat. The trunk of my car is center-punched down the middle.  Slammed, I collide into the car ahead of me.

For an instant, everything is black.

My hood blows.  Glass sprays like snow.  My shoulder hurts like hell.  My air-bag never deployed.

Just two weeks before this, I saw a little silver car smashed between the highway median wall and a semi truck on the way to the kids’ school.  I came home and told my husband, “I don’t want to drive a little silver car anymore.”

I guess I got my wish.

I start shaking uncontrollably and burst into tears.  I am going numb.

Flash…..

It’s just like a movie stunt, except without exciting music, and without a drumbeat.  Just my heart, ringing in my ears.

The little black truck is hanging high in the air – twisting, flying towards us.

I am frozen.  Caught between stories in time.

My stories.  My traumas.  My time-warp.  The words ring through me, “I just got a new home and now my child and I are going to die.”

And those aren’t spoken words.  There is no “hearing” of them.  They impress on the very soul, like a stamp.  Like a vice.  Punching through the heart and being.

My hand flies out in front of my son.  The truck slams to the ground on its nose and bounces, flipping towards us.

The driver’s hair is blonde.  I’m boxed in.  I can’t back up.

There’s nowhere to go.  I am frozen.

It is silent.


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